My experience with a deadbeat dad…
Friday, November 20th, 2009Next month, I have a court date to try and get my son’s biological father to pay child support. My son, who is almost two years old, has never seen his father… well, wait, I take that back, he did see him for about 20 minutes when he was five months old. When I got pregnant, my ex-boyfriend, Derek Parent (yes, his real name), informed me that he would not be there for me at all. Ironically, this was probably the only time he was ever completely honest with me… He never saw me at all during the pregnancy, and he has never made any effort to establish any kind of relationship with his (our) son.
I have gone back and forth on my feelings about this, but I have finally gotten to the place where I can actually thank God for keeping Derek out of our lives. Derek is just not a good person, and it is such a huge blessing that he is not around my son to influence him in any way. Even though it’s been hard and I have had many emotional, mental, and physical struggles, my son and I have really been blessed in so many ways. God has taken care of us both and I am so happy that this situation has challenged me and allowed me to grow, as well as revealed to me the strength I never knew I had.
I have no idea what will happen in court next month. Who knows if Derek will even show up? But at least I can say to my son that his mommy is doing everything within her power to make sure he gets the things he deserves and is entitled to. We took a paternity test earlier this year and the results came back as 99.999998% positive that Derek is Kadin’s father. I thought that would change his behavior, but it didn’t. Derek still denies Kadin as his own, even though he has other children that he spoils mercilessly…
Thank you God, for giving me a son who has made me a better person. Thank you God, for Derek, because without him, I would not be a mother. Thank you God, for providing for us in so many ways that I could not have ever imagined. And, thank you, God, for softening and opening my heart, so that I can honestly ask and pray that you bless and change Derek’s life for the better. Amen.
Lynn says:
November 20th, 2009
12:43 pm
Just wanted to wish you much luck at the court date. Glad to also see that you are coming through this with a great attitude. That is so ironic that Derek’s last name is “parent”. Wow.
MommyReporter says:
November 20th, 2009
1:36 pm
Thanks Lynn!! Ha ha!! I know… I mentioned that to my case worker that it is unbelieveable that his last name is “Parent.” Truth is definitely stranger than fiction…LOL!!
Christine says:
November 23rd, 2009
7:03 pm
Hi Desiree,
My childhood was basically exactly the same as your son’s. So I just wanted to share from a child of a dead beat dad. My father said the exact same thing to my mother, he lived only 2 apartment buildings from us and yet I rarely saw him. When I was a baby he would come around a bit, but then that was it. Anyway, all this to say that all you can do is be the best mom you can be, love your son enough for a mommy and a daddy. My mom loved me tons, was always there for me and I knew that and always felt that. But I have to say, that no matter how much my mom loved me and was so good to me I really struggled in my teenage years. I was always wondering why my dad never loved me, why he never wanted me, was there something wrong with me? Why could he not love his own child or want to be a part of my life. And I still think that way sometimes, especially now that I have kids, I could never abandon my child. So I just wanted to let you know that, hopefully not, but maybe one day your son will struggle with those questions like I did. But sounds like he has a very strong mom to guide him through!
Take care,
Christine
MommyReporter says:
November 23rd, 2009
7:16 pm
Oh Christine, thank you so very much for your touching reply… I know it will be hard on my son when he’s old enough to realize what’s going on, but I just pray that God will either change Derek’s heart so that he wants to know his son, or that God will provide the answers when the time is right. Thanks for stopping by, and God bless you and your family.
Rhonda says:
December 2nd, 2009
3:23 pm
Hi Desiree,
Feel free to lean on me. Your story is identical to mine. My son is now 10 years old and has NEVER seen his biological father. We have lived in the same city and now are about 30 mins apart, but he has not interest in seeing his son nor does he claim him, but I made sure that he would be minimally financially responsible for my son via child support.
His 2nd (ex) wife and I keep in touch so that her daughter (who is younger than my son) can one day meet her brother. His 3rd wife is found out about him after they were married (he did the same thing to his 2nd wife). That’s another story altogether.
Ten years later I can say “Thank You Lord!” for keeping that jerk out of my son’s life. My husband is the only man that he knows and recognizes as his father. My son knows of his biological father, but at this point has no interest in meeting him.
Hang in there, I’ve been in your shoes and the emotional roller coaster can get to you. Feel free to e-mail me with questions, for support, etc.
MommyReporter says:
December 2nd, 2009
6:40 pm
Rhonda,
Thanks for the support. We went to court today, and I was sort of taken aback by the fact that Derek “claims” he wants visitation. I don’t know if he is sincere since he has only seen Kadin once… but I only pray that this will work out for the baby’s best.
Thanks again!!!